Monday, April 09, 2007

Deaf and blind

I lie on my bed, curtains drawn, blankets over me
Pretending to be asleep, trying not to make a sound
She calls my name, asks me if I’m alright
I have to talk to you, she says
Your brother is ok

Trapped in horror and shame
I want to shout, rage and ask her:
How could you let him hurt your son like that?
Will you let him hit me like that?

I am too afraid to say it
Because I know she is as helpless as we are
Fears him as we do, loves him as we do
Our dear father

I am invisible, I am spellbound
As he hits and kicks, shouts and swears
Deaf and blind to my brother’s pleas
Mesmerized by the violence and the blood

As quickly as it begun, it ends
Mama comes to life, rushes to her my brother’s side
I am so sorry, she cries
Hugging him, wiping the tears and blood
I am invisible to them both

Shattered by fear and guilt
The bitter taste of shame on my tongue
I slink off to my room
Under the dark of blankets
My world of quiet and peace

Are you okay, Mama asks
But all I see is the look on her face,
While she wiped blood from my face
Smoothed cream on my aching body
That day not so long ago

Please, please, please, she begged
Don’t ever interfere again, try to be invisible
And whatever happens, do nothing, say nothing

I’m fine, I say
I don’t tell her, that I fear my turn will come again
He will slap, hit and kick, shout and swear at me
And all will be invisible, deaf and blind to my pleas